


Fullmetal's Report

by AmariT, unorthodoxCreativity



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 06:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9060904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmariT/pseuds/AmariT, https://archiveofourown.org/users/unorthodoxCreativity/pseuds/unorthodoxCreativity
Summary: Roy and Ed argue in the notes of Ed's report.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a gift for [wolfgirl44](http://wolfgirl44.tumblr.com/) for the RoyEd Gift Exchange. Merry Christmas! Kyrianne and I had fun with it. I wrote the script (mostly. We both improvised in the notes) and was Ed's godawful handwriting, and Kyrianne did the image editing and Roy's much nicer cursive. Hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed writing it!
> 
> (if you had any trouble following the text, transcript is on the next page)


	2. Transcript

Subject: ~~Alchrmist~~ Alchemist Report on Mission of January 21st

To: Colonel Roy Mustang

1\. The following is submitted concerning Fullmetal's mission in Focett on January 21st, 1914. 

a) Two buildings were destroyed (this was not my fault)  
b) 9 civilians were injured (this was definitely not my fault. they were assholes)  
c) Al lost his head but we put it back on  
d) I think some guys were arrested but ~~youd'~~ you'd have to ask leurenatn (fuck it stupid typewriter) Calcuta I didn't handle that  
e) You were ewrong they didn't have a any military contraband they were just trying to overthrow the ~~governmetn~~ government o it was a waste of my time  
f) in the future try to send me on missions that are ~~worht~~ worth my ~~taletn~~ talent okay?  
g) i fucking hate this keyboard

Edward Elric  
Fullmetal Alchemist

Roy: Is this the same report you gave me two months ago?

Ed: You said it was good so I figured I'd reuse it

Roy: I don't thing "good" is the word I used. I believe I said "Unusually professional for you".

Ed: Same freakin thing

Roy: Regardless, I'm afraid the point of a report is to tell me what happened on this mission, so reusing reports is frowned upon.

Ed: That's stupid. If it was unusually professional once it should be unusually professional every time

Roy: It doesn't work that way.

Ed: This saves me like **2** hours of fighting with the military typewriters which BY THE WAY love to catch on my metal joints

Roy: I can't imagine that writing notes back and forth with me all day saves you time.

Ed: It does if I win.

Roy: Redo the report Fullmetal.

\---

Subject: Alchrmist Report on Mission of March 19th

To: Colonel Roy Mustang

The following is submitted concerning Fullmetal's mission in Aszamem on March 19th, 1914. 

I had a run in with some assholes as usual  
they were shitty but what do you expect  
i beat them up  
access to the mountain of philosphers is blocked by a wall of false, sophistical doctrines  
the old man at the intrance is the saturnine antimon here called the falther of metals  
the alchemistws identified this old protector with the bethlelhem landloard boas david's great gandfather  
above him, the arab alchemist senior zadith plants the sun and moon treae from wihc the lapis emerges  
in the aurora consurgens there is also a passage leading back to senior adith in which the labis is compared  
with a h ouse built an a strong rock  
whoever opens it will find within the source of etermanl youth (geheime figuren der who the fuck cares altona 1785)

Edward Elric  
Fullmetal Alchemist

Roy: What is this?

Ed: What kind of shitty alchemist are you if you don't recognize Rosenkruezer's description of the pursuit of eternal life???

Roy: What does that have to do with your mission?

Ed: Nothing but you said that my reports should be at least **6** bullets long and I covered it in **3**

Roy: All six bullets are supposed to pertain to your mission. Also there are no bullets & the organization is shoddy.

Ed: You never specified that, did you?

Roy: I had assumed it was obvious.

Ed: Sounds like your fault

Roy: I apologize sincerely for overestimating your intelligence.

Ed: [ angry Ed doodle ]

Roy: [ puppy doodle ]

Ed: [ ???? pointed at puppy ]

Roy: [ doodle of multiple puppies biting the question marks ]

Ed: [ doodle of angry Ed shaking his fist at the puppies ]

Roy: [ arrow pointing to angry Ed ] What on earth are you doing here??

Ed: I'm shaking my fist It's obvious I'm a great artist You suck

Roy: [ doodle of Roy snapping fire with a flowy coat ] Actually I'm a fabulous artist.

Ed: 1. This is awful 2. Oh no we're out of paper guess I win Ha Ha

\---

Roy: [ doodle of Roy with an arrow pointing at him ] the actual winner. You're underestimating the amount of paper I have access to

Ed: [ doodle of ed transmuting a hand out of the ground at Roy's head and an arrow pointing at it ] crushing your stupid skull

Roy: [ doodle of a puppy biting the hand ] My loyal dog saves my life because he has better ethics than my other subordinates

Ed: Is that the only thing you know how to draw?

Roy: [ doodle of a crying puppy ] You made the puppy cry. I hope you feel bad, you monster.

Ed: [ doodle of cats and a dinosaur surrounding the puppy ] Ravenous cats and a dinosaur consume your dog at the first sign of weakness

Roy: [ doodle of Riza shooting at the cat ] did I mention it's actually Hawkeye's puppy

Ed: Oh shit Abort Abort (she won't see this right?)

Roy: I'll guard this with my life

Roy: You've wasted the entire day on this report.

Ed: Maybe that was my plan all along ever think of that?

Roy: I'm afraid overtime is in order. You'll have to come by my place. I'll order food. Xingese?

Ed: Joke's on you. I was gonna come by anyway and I'll make you forget all about this stupid report (Yes to Xingese by the way)

Roy: Oh really? (Good, I'll order crab rangoons & 3 cartons of sweet & sour)

Ed: Make it 4 you stingy bastard

Roy: If you insist. I'm looking forward to it <3

Ed: Sap


End file.
